


Unlucky child

by Lexichae



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Flashbacks, Mommy Issues, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 03:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30116814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexichae/pseuds/Lexichae
Summary: Mommy issues
Kudos: 5





	Unlucky child

Something was definitely wrong when everything should have been perfect. I mean, it was almost like a happy little soap opera. Being engaged to a nice rich guy, a big new house, and a fun job that pays well. That all sounds amazing, right? Like a dream come true? Of course, it wasn't. I was pregnant even though I was told my entire life I'd never have kids due to some health issues. That part of it never really bothered me growing up. Having kids just seems like something that'll drag you down in the long run. Who would want something to get in the way of your dreams? I NEVER wanted kids, biological or not. Yet, there we were. My, at the time, fiancé practically begged me to keep it. He said that he would do anything to be a father then went on a rant about all the things he'd do with this baby. How could I say no?  
The entire time I was pregnant, I knew something was wrong. My health problems weren't it. Everything went smoothly when it came to medical stuff, despite what everyone predicted. No... Instead, my problem was all emotional. Although this thing was literally growing in me, I wasn't excited for it at all. There was no emotional connection between me and this baby. The whole time, I dreaded the day it came. I wasn't even sure why. I hoped that once it was born, it'd be like in the movies where the mom is all loving and protective as soon as the baby is out. No, this kid wasn't so lucky.  
When he was born, I remember just looking at him. No tears, no smiles, nothing. Just a feeling of regret. Looking at this baby only made it worse. I saw... me. Obviously, I knew he'd be something like me, but I didn't think it'd be so much. My son looked so fragile. If I held him, I was sure he'd break instantly. That only made me more guilty. Was he sick? Was I imagining something? His father wasted no time at all showing off his little miracle. Little Nagito got more praise from his dad than I thought was possible. Pointing out how cute it was that he has his mom's fluffy hair, his dad's smile, things I didn't care about. Whenever I saw parts of myself in him, I was disgusted. He's just going to hate those parts of him. My son is probably going to grow up to hate himself just like his mother.  
What's wrong with me? Whenever I find myself caring for him, I only see me. That's the worst. Honestly, I hoped he'd just be a clone of his dad. Someone perfect in comparison. I push him away because I hate myself, but that's no excuse. Plenty of self loathing people love their children. Why can't I love my own son? I'm the worst kind of parent, one that doesn't give either love or hate. Only bare minimum care. I don't know how to deal with him, so I don't deal with him at all. What an unlucky child. His father balances things out, I guess. He gives his kid anything he could want. Trips to the amusement park, plenty of attention, toys. My husband even gave Nagito a dog without even asking me! I think I talked to that kid more that day than ever before. Although it was mostly yelling about pet responsibility, he seemed to listen to everything I was saying. I suppose he's too young to realize how bad of a mom he has.  
At some point, I must have realized how bad this all was. I knew something was wrong with Nagito long before anyone else seemed to. My husband said I wouldn't know what I was talking about since I never spend time with him. Maybe he's right... Slowly but surely, I noticed how his hair was changing from my brownish color to a lighter shade. Then, he was getting a bit skinnier. Subtle. I was beginning to think that I was imagining it all since no one said anything. It felt almost like he was becoming different somehow. The worst part of being his mother came the same day I was preparing to bring up his health to his dad. Being off work when he was home usually involved me cleaning and him trying to copy me without me noticing or he'd be out with his dog while I loafed around.  
That day started the same way. Nagito was out with his dog while I watched some stupid drama. Out of nowhere, he ran in asking over and over where dad was. I tried to help him, but he said "you won't help me, mom, you never want anything to do with me. Please, I want dad." At the time, I was too shocked to reply. The worst part about that incident was that he wanted me to help him with his dog. Yeah, the dog he would spend every waking hour with got ran over right in front of him and he didn't think I'd help him? Of course I would have helped him! Especially with something like that!!  
I still have no idea what to say or do about it. My own self hatred got me here, now what? After that, everything started to make sense. What if he's changing due to stress of not having a good mom? Finally, my husband listened to me. He said he could see the little changes too. It got to the point of us taking him to a doctor. What if my health problems from before caused this? All that ended up happening was doctors saying they need more tests. Ugh. As terrible as it sounds, having all the doctors say they don't understand what's wrong with my son and their concern about it all is what woke me up. I needed to be a good mother to him, no matter what the results of all those tests end up being. Why did it take me 11 years to do anything?  
About a month after his dog died, I decided to do something special for Nagito. That was something new to everyone, since I never plan much of anything. We were all going to go on a trip somewhere. All three of us. Somewhere tropical. Somewhere fun. There I'll tell him what I've always wanted to say. That I love him. He's my son and I'm stupid for letting my self hatred ever come between us. I just don't want him to hate me or himself even close to as much as I do. God, I'm so disgusting. He's just a kid, would he even understand?  
We went to the Galapagos. Somewhere fun that I went as a kid. It took the entire trip for me to muster up the courage to talk to him. God, this shouldn't be so hard. The last night we were there, I took him out on a dock. Just us. He was nervous, which only made it harder. But I did it! I told him everything. My heart was racing the whole time while he would look at me with those greyish questioning eyes. "I'm sorry you think I want nothing to do with you, Nagito. I love you, okay? I'm sorry I don't show it, but I really love you." That was the last thing I said before he started crying. We hugged for what felt like hours. I finally felt connected to my son. After all this time, I promised I would be a good mother to him.  
Now, we're flying back to home. I just hope he knows I tend to keep that promise. I hope he never forgets that trip and everything it meant to me.


End file.
